Being Single Versus Being Married - Funny!

At the writing of this hub, I am 32 years old, single, with no children, and I live alone. Of course, I have many friends and family members who are just the opposite. From my observations of our lives, I am going to be writing about the differences between being single and being married.

Sleeping

Single: I get to go to bed at whatever time I want; and I get to sleep in for as long as I want. No kids disturb my rest in the morning; and no wife reminds me of what “duties” I need to perform throughout the day.

Married: I can always count on my beautiful wife to remind me when I need to go to bed so that I can receive the proper amount of rest; and my lovely wife and kids are there to greet me each and every day upon the opening of my eyes, with bright smiles and warm hugs. Unless, that is, I would be my brother-in-law. He has a son who is louder than a siren on a fire truck; and at eight o’clock in the morning that is not a pleasant sound. I know, because I recently visited him for about two weeks. That kid is lucky he is not mine.

Sharing

Single: I do not have to share anything with anyone. My flat is all mine. My money is all mine. My food is all mine. My laptop is all mine. My bed is all mine. My bathroom is all mine. Mine! Mine! Mine!

Married: I have the privilege of providing for and sharing everything with those who I love the most. If that means my wife wants more of the covers on a cold night; so be it, I love her. If that means that we will have to tightly budged our finances to make ends meet; you do what you have to, to survive. If that means cramming our family into my flat, we will just be all that much closer to one and other. If that means giving my wife (and possibly daughter[s]) as much time as necessary to get ready in the bathroom in the morning; go right ahead, there’s always tomorrow. If that means sharing my laptop with my wife and kid(s), I’m going to have to buy another laptop.

Sex

Single: No.

Married: Yes.

Singles take a hit on this one…

Decision Making

Single: I’m the captain of my ship, the master of my domain, and the ruler of my life!

Married: My wife is the captain of my ship, the master of my domain, and the ruler of my life!

In-Laws

Single: I don’t have to worry about whether or not I will get along with my wife’s in-laws, because I don’t have any.

Married: I hear flat-out horror stories about mothers-in-law! In Poland, where I’m currently residing, they even have jokes about them. For example:

• When is the best time to see your mother-in-law? Through the scope of a rifle.
• What’s the difference between your mother-in-law and the sun? None. You can’t look at either of them.

In the office one morning:

Co-worker 1: “You have a black eye! What happened?”

Co-worker 2: “Well, yesterday evening when we were praying before dinner, at the words, 'But deliver us from evil', I looked at my mother-in-law."

Friends

Single: I could choose who my friends are and when I want to hang out with them.

Married: My wife sets limits on how often I can hang out with my friends; and if she does not like one of them, she will be sure to let me know—several times. Maybe even for months and years.

Arguing

Good luck winning an argument against your wife. According to a reputable source, women are crazy. Therefore, attempting to win an argument against one using reason is futile.

Women have several stages through which thy pass in the process of winning an argument. I know this from experience because I grew up with three sisters, and I have also been in several relationships. First, they attempt to persuade you politely. If that doesn’t work, they will become noticeably more and more angry with you. Their facial expressions will gradually grow meaner, and they will get ever louder with you until they start frantically screaming. They are liable to hit you; and if they are mad enough, they will withhold sex from you for some time.

Although this is all seems insane, it is actually a very carefully laid out female strategy to break you by intimidation and deprivation. If your will is weak, she will succeed in her cause and own you. As long as you don’t catch on, she will use the same strategy to win every argument you ever have. She will control your life this way. It’s like prison. Sometimes (or probably most of the time), it does not even matter if you are right. If she has set her mind on something, your words will fall on def ears.

There are some benefits to being both single and to being married. Married couples get to have sex, while single people do not have to put up with a living nightmare. It all depends on what you want in life. If you are currently single, I hope my personal observations are a helpful source of information to aid you in deciding on your future. If you are married, I'm sorry, it's too late. Unfortunately, you got married before reading this hub and discovering the harsh realities of marriage. May God be with you. You're going to need Him.

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